Advice from your future married self
or how it turned out your wedding was just a flimsy excuse to buy fancy shoes
Every wedding is different.
Every couple has, their tastes, their families and their priorities.
And I’m not about to tell you there’s a right way to do any of this.
That said, after a lot of weddings, I often hear the same reflections come up again and again.
Its usually when I’m delivering the photos or the album and asking couples what they loved most about the day… and what, if they were doing it again, they probably wouldn’t bother with.
So, with that in mind, here are a few pieces of anecdotal hindsight — not advice, just common themes that pop up, post wedding.
If you can get ready at the venue
If your venue allows it, this is one of the biggest stress reducers available. No transport to worry about. No traffic. No weather anxiety. You wake up, get ready, and walk a short distance into your wedding. Done.
I completely understand the emotional pull of getting ready at a parents’ house, and not every venue makes this possible. But where it is an option, it can remove a whole layer of pressure from the morning.
Favours
Homemade favours are a lovely gesture. Homemade tablet? A joyous sugar rush! Charity donations to a cause close to your heart? Personal & meaningful.
Everything else? Tends to barely register.
That’s not a criticism, its just that guests are busy chatting, catching up, hungry (merry) and enjoying the day. Favours are one of those things that feel important in planning and fade very quickly afterwards. Minimal spend, minimal effort is usually the sweet spot here (and if you have been to any weddings lately as a guests – you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ll bet the favours are in a drawer somewhere or you left them on the table)
Light-up dancefloors
I’ve watched more light-up dancefloors being clipped together than I care to remember. Two things almost always happen: it takes longer than expected, and after a few enthusiastic ceilidh moves, it starts to come apart.
The real kicker is this: no one notices the floor. They notice the music, the people, the atmosphere. This one can very safely be filed under money better spent elsewhere.
Cake
I love wedding cakes. I’ve seen every version imaginable — traditional 3 tier cakes, cheese wheels, novelty, epic towering creation and even a giant Empire Biscuit. Wedding Cakes are much like cooking pasta at home – whatever size you have portioned out, you’re wrong.
There is almost always too much… or it disappears before you get any.
Either way, accept now that it probably won’t play out exactly as imagined. The only genuinely useful advice here is to tell the venue to save a couple of slices for you.
Bridesmaids
This is a thorny one, but it comes up too often to ignore.
Many couples quietly admit there’s at least one bridesmaid included out of obligation rather than joy — a long-time friend drifting away, or a family expectation that felt easier to accept than fight.
Much like the cake, you can end up with too much bridesmaid. I’m not here to tell you what to do, only to say this is very common, and you’re not alone in feeling conflicted about it.
Other stresses that rarely deserve the energy
Divorced or separated parents
Deep breath.
After nearly thirty years and around a thousand weddings, I can tell you this with almost total certainty: they will behave. However complicated the history, parents almost always put it aside for the day. I’ve seen one exception. He went home early. Everyone else relaxed and the day carried on beautifully. No matter how fractious their relationship is – they will be there for you and will not want to cause any upset on your wedding day.
Seating plans
Some of the most relaxed weddings I’ve photographed had no formal seating plan at all. People sat where they liked, moved around, and talked to who they wanted. It turns out adults are surprisingly good at feeding themselves and finding a chair.
Shoes
Which brings us back to the subtitle. “Wedding” Shoes.
As a man, I accept that shoes occupy a strange mix of glamour, obsession and emotional importance for some clients, which is alien to me. You should absolutely buy the shoes you want — Jimmy Choos, customised Converse, whatever makes you happy. I’ll happily photograph them and fully endorse the choice.
Just know this: unless you’re wearing a shorter dress, they won’t be seen much.
Comfort, however, will be felt. Having a pair of trainers or flip-flops on standby is one of those decisions that pays off every time and lets face it.
Nothing puts you in a grump quicker than sore feet. Do yourself a favour – trainers on standby.
None of this is about judgement or criticism of any wedding – just some hindsight advice from real couples who have been there done it and have left advice for people like you.
Maybe that means maybe you’ll stick that £1000 light up dance floor money into the honeymoon fund? Maybe you dont care and that light up dancefloor is central to the night time party. All I am doing, is relaying the stories I have heard time and again.
As always, any questions comments or light abuse – you can message me using the button.